We ALL KNOW there are some dirty little secrets that those books never tell you about giving birth, your first few weeks of mommy-hood, your newborn babe and more…
You’ve got every baby book under the sun.
From the moment you found out you were pregnant, you have been collecting books, saving Pinterest pins, bookmarking baby websites and starting to dream about designing a fabulous nursery. You’ve read that “this week, your baby is the size of a small elephant with only 14 weeks to go!” (I am being facetious… it just FEELS like that). You’ve read that during labor, you may poo. And that is a mortifying thought. Like seriously? What if I poop on my BABY? (POO happens. It just does. Take it from an experienced birth photographer…IF and WHEN it happens, no one even blinks an eye at it because it’s honestly totally normal). You’ve read about how to soothe a crying infant. And you’ve thought to yourself “I got this. A crying baby is nothing compared to how I felt when MAC Cosmetics discontinued my favorite shade of lipstick”. You’ve got it down… you aren’t worried about this newborn baby about to change your life… cause you’ve read those books, had talks with your friends about babies, gotten the motherly advice from your mama… you’ve got this.
Until you get home from delivering your baby…. and you wake up the next morning with boobs as hard as ROCKS, feeling like they are going to burst open and the flood gates of sweet booby milk release all over you, your baby and anyone standing within a 5 foot radius. I actually mean a 100 foot radius, but taking that kind of shot with your breast-milk and actually nailing someone in the face at that length is tough… but impressive. Let me tell you a funny story about my first week of breastfeeding with my son.
My milk came in pretty quickly and my son was a CHAMP at nursing. My then-husband was super supportive of my decision to breastfeed our son. So one morning, the day after we arrived home from a c-section (so 2 nights in the hospital), I woke up with rock hard boobs. Like vein poppin, looks like I just had a botched boob job kind of hard boobs. Good lord almighty… they hurt like H-E-double hockey sticks! Then-husband grabbed the babe, the Boppy (God’s gift to nursing mothers) and a cloth diaper so I could burp my little bub afterwards. By the time my son latched on (which was roughly 3.4 seconds from the time he was handed to me), not one… but BOTH my boobs decided to let down my milk. So I’m soaking through one side of my shirt because NO ONE TOLD ME about the BEST breast pads to buy (let’s face it… the cheap ones are worthless. It’s more effective to use one of the super thick sanitary pads the hospital gives you to take home than the cheap breast pads) and my son is literally choking on my milk because the let down was so quick and it was his first time with actual booby milk, not just colostrum. So I’m trying to stop my left boob from soaking EVERYTHING around me, using the cloth diaper to try and soak up the milk but instead it was coming down so fast and SPRAYING ALL OVER EVERYTHING (my face, my sons face), and trying to not kill my child by choking him to death with booby milk, and my then husband is laughing. Legit belly laughing. Thankfully, I was able to laugh myself (at myself… same thing) and pull my first attempt at breastfeeding my son with breast milk together. We lasted 3 1/2 years breast feeding successfully. 😉
The lesson from this story- squirting booby milk in your husband’s eyes is totally normal. Almost drowning your newborn infant with breast milk is totally normal. Leaking through your shirt, 2 breast pads and the sheets while taking a 45 minute nap is totally normal.
Part 2 coming tomorrow… Umbilical Cord woes.
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